I can try to talk my way out of being who I am but it will never work, I can pretend to be nothing to do with them and its easy to do as I never knew them but whatever I do I can not change that it was that woman that gave birth to me no one else, it is her mother who was my grandmother who wasn’t really even there for my mother let alone me. Who would choose such people to be your family no one would but I had to know who they were as a matter of form. I grew up with little or no interest in knowing them but as I grew older I knew I would have to find out who they were. I have the picture its clear I don’t need photographs to show me. I have seen the big house where it all started and how it all collapsed and ended up when it all fell like a deck of cards and wrecked every thing in sight of it, me included. Like a world falling apart because of one selfish woman.
People seek information on Google but where does that information come from? Some times some one is volunteering to tell stuff knowing that some one might want to know hoping it will satisfy there curiosity, not all information Google collects is fact some comes freely from people that want to give it and volunteer it for there own reasons, maybe it sets themselves free hoping nobody will bother them if they give this info that may only be partly true. It gives some people enough of an answer to there question and all is laid to rest, some times not always.
At the end of last evening I seeked out the only one thing of interest to watch on tv the murder of a young girl that used to act on tv in a program called Eastender’s ,why would anybody want to kill her? I did hope we would get answers and that this was not going to end leaving us still asking those questions. Soon we knew who was the murderer and how jealous he was of her, her own brother he hated her because she was having success and he was not. This maniac chopped her body up and it was found in pieces in a canal in London. It takes some getting our head around such an horrendous thing and done to his own sister out of jealousy. To most normol people this makes no sense and not worth doing such a horrible thing to anybody for and we would not want to but it shows that there are some vile people out there and some of them can be some one very close to us. SHUDDER!
More care should be given when putting “it” about as its easy to do if your a male. And women should stop to think about the consequence of freely giving away sex to anybody there is a price to pay. Some times a child is born unwanted and deprived due to lack of self control. When I was told I would die if I had another child I knew it and it was an amazing contraceptive I needed no other so as much as I might have liked to give into things I never did. Deprived kids, deprived of love and proper care makes for a rotten life and a rotten future for many I know so well.
I got rid of my so called family tree full of names of people I never knew nobody I would miss any more than they me. People related to me who have never been there for me, no love lost, I learned from my experience blood is no thicker than water unless you want it to be, blood is just the coloured water that runs through your body slightly thicker than water some times but be careful if you think it makes a difference to relationships it doesn’t.
My hubby is an armchair traveller sits watching exciting places on tv but as no desire to visit them. So I took a trip with a friend one I will never forget, there was I thinking I knew her. This woman kept me awake all night snoring loudly and had bad habits I would not repeat and came down in the evenings to dance putting on the lady act, she was no company a tall for me, by the time it was all over I didn’t care if I never saw her again never mind share a room with her. I have not been tempted to do it again since, if that’s the choice I have think I will stay at home, the company is as important as the place you go specially if you share the same room. As for going solo I like my own company some of the time but I also like some one to share a part of the day with.