Do you get fed up with people who stare, don’t ask them why they are staring because they wont tell you, I even wonder if they know why they do it, did nobody tell them… More
I can remember some years ago when a chap was very bothersome wanted me to go out with him, me no, so when he invited himself over I put some curlers in my hair some thing I rarely do and the oldest clothes I could find and no make up thinking this would scare him of but it did not, he turned around and said, ” If this is how you look at your worse wow! you look great at your best”. In other words it did not work he was not put of and the funny thing is I liked him so much more, he liked me for me, those are the people worth having as friends. If we have to rush around to polish the house and dress up to please some one we don’t need them.
What is a people person some one who can not stand to be alone, am I a people person no I enjoy my own company and I think I prefer the company of animals to many people who only moan and complain all the time and find fault in others.
No I am not much of a people person although I enjoy the company of some people who have interesting things to say specially if they make me laugh. I am sympathetic to the misunderstood the unloved the one who is different they are often kind hearted people who accept others for what they are and are bullied by the well supported one who gets every thing his own way. My experience of people as not been good I have a history of people hurting and letting me down but I still give them a chance now with a more open mind.
It is true to say that evil brings out good, when things are as bad as they can get there is always an angel some where, a good soul, some one who truly cares, it is surprising. Some one will always reach out when we are in trouble even if some times we must wait a while. Feelings of hope will come to us from some one with kind words or arms reaching out to us to comfort us. I had fell unconscious and when I awoke I couldn’t move I was terrified every thing had to be done for me and I was fed through a tube it was thought that I would never do anything for myself again.
I sat up in a chair eventually and tried to cut a slice of toast a young woman watched me struggle then came to me and said, ” let me help you,” cutting my piece of toast for me. When tears came to my eyes arms went around me and a warmth flowed through me with the knowledge that some one cared. A young pretty girl came every day to clean my room she was just a cleaner but she always wanted to help me in any way she could, kindness flowed like I had never known in my life before and gradually I grew stronger with hope in my heart.
It is with regret that I ever married that man, the biggest regret of my life, he was mean, greedy, selfish, and violent and I had no family to go to and if I worked he punched what I earned out of me. He kept me from my friends, isolated me from everybody. I had two kids with him before it was too late for me, he took no interest in them until we divorced much later and because I found some one to love he spent all his time making trouble for me, I am the bad one. He found nobody else only because all he had he wanted to keep for himself and he dedicated his life to hurting me because I had hurt his ego. I did all I could for those kids and gave them all I had to give but they hurt me every way they could making me out to be bad and I could not have done more as a mother for them.
Before this I had married a man who loved fast cars, flying planes, the good life, along came a child after a short time of marriage and because he hardly ever came home at night except for a few hours I left the house we shared. The child was born 9 months later and he did not want to know, he wanted us to get back together without the child which I would not do so she was adopted I had no place to live and little money. Later when I met her years later she wanted me to contact him about her and when he rang me he never mentioned her and wasn’t interested but he wanted to see me, once again I declined .
She blames me and hates me for everything. She did not like the truth, she had pushed for the truth but did not like it. It is such a pity that some people never listen or try to understand they make decisions about others without knowing or caring about the truth they hate all the wrong people they are sadly mixed up people with nothing to offer any one because there heads are a mess with there efforts to hurt others who just want to be there friend and love them.
We gather things all around us that
will make us feel good, but deep down
inside our heart aces and we grieve
for that some one we love.
We all have a problem we don’t always
want to share and we think we are
different and nobody cares.
We can not get away from who we are where ever we go
we must face up to who we are the best way we know.
Its good to be alive and wake up to the sunshine. The day I left hospital the ward sister came and said your leaving today and I have to say your amazing I was there at the start she said and we fought for days to get life back into you and look at you now, and that was just the beggining.
I could not get your usual website to come up gilly but I did find this one very interesting indeed. You know how much I miss the small part I played in the past it was important to me I looked forward to teaching the children arranging flowers and generally helping any way I could it made me happy. At the moment I am struggling, part of my bowel as been removed. A large wound is healing well but caused a lot of pain and I was sleeping a lot and feeling sick. Nurses still come every day. Have a good day.
Each day there seems a new battle or challenge. Since arriving home I have noticed so many changes in me. The things I once liked to eat I now despise and things I never liked I crave. I have times where I have no appetite whatsoever. I have lost about five stone in weight and I think it makes me look so much older. Even my skin texture as changes from soft and sensitive to quite tough in texture. I can not go out my balance is so poor I wobble about like a drunk and have been known to fall. Nurses come in every day to me to treat my wound that is healing but a painful abcess developed that gave me grief for days.
After such a bad time just the sun shining through the window and seeing the trees blowing in the light breeze outside is a treat. For weeks I occupied a small room looking out at another hospital building not a tree or green grass to be seen depressing it was and the weeks dragged by when i could barely move a limb.
I was black and blue from effort to take blood from me until finally the Doc came to say that I needed a blood transfusion and another and my blood was back to being topped up. My energy level did not improve much and I dreaded being dragged out of bed and forced to walk every morning until I yelled for them to stop. I hated the repeated food menu that never ever changed. No one else was going to come to see me except my hubby it was too far from home and I never told anybody any way where I was it would have been very difficult I spent three weeks in intensive care and knew little myself.
Hubby was loyal to the end and he finally bought me home.
It is so much like starting all over again here. I collapsed and landed up in intensive care just before Christmas, but I don’t want to go on about that too much I feel I have not been able to get away from it since, hospital appointments, Doctors, and nurses, home visits, and dragging a heavy machine around every where unable to do anything or go any where.
Any way the last I remember of Christmas was enjoying a collection of lovely greeting cards from neighbours and going out to buy Christmas goodys. I went to take the dog for a walk and suddenly felt very sick and after throwing up I couldn’t move a limb and was carted of on a stretcher to hospital, that was just the start.
Christmas came and went I knew nothing ,New Year came and went I knew nothing I was so very ill everything had to be done for me I could not even sit up without help from nurses who were constantly on hand.